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Evolution of an addict

December 10, 2012
lady jumping in the air with shopping bags

how shopping makes me feel

Today has been a pretty stressful day.  This is mainly because I’ve forced myself into a reflective mode, which as an extrovert is not a strength.  In doing so I have inadvertently exposed the evolution of an old addiction.

It  started when I forced myself to deal with the fallout from the Xmas party debacle.  This first of all involved finding people who could (semi) reliably tell me what happened.  Lets just say I’ve been provided with enough detail to understand that I was more than a little flirty and direct in some of my discussions.  At least now I understand who I need to apologise to and why! Good job I’m big enough and ugly enough to admit my mistakes, which I plan to do face to face, with all humility and accept what is coming to me.

I took some time to think through what happened and how I essentially architected my own downfall  and how guilty I feel about the effect I’ve had on others.  Not so long ago I would have responded to this sort of issue by resorting to food as my means of comfort.  If I was being unkind to myself I would suggest that this was the reason why I ended up at 16st 6lb in the first place.  It now appears that my addiction has evolved into an urge to shop, a much more expensive habit.

It may sound crazy, but I hadn’t really noticed this impulse until now!  Part of it is due to the amount of weight I’ve lost as I’ve had to replace almost my whole wardrobe.  But, I’m past that point now and most definitely still have the bug.  If I’m feeling low I find myself trawling shops for things to buy as it makes me feel ‘better’.

Think I’m going to add controlling my shopping habit to the list of things to change in the coming year.  Farewell Phase Eight, its been a pleasure shopping with you I love everything on your website! #sob

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